October 14th, is a date that will forever hold profound significance in my heart. It was the day I was supposed to welcome my baby into this world, a day I had once envisioned being filled with the overwhelming joy of finally holding my son in my arms.
What I could have never imagined was that this same date would eventually take on an entirely different meaning, one that would challenge everything I thought I understood about life, death, love, and the extraordinary mysteries of our existence.
Following the loss of my pregnancy in May, I had a deeply transformative QHHT session in July, which I received an astonishing message: my original soul contract had been to depart this Earth on October 14, 2026, alongside my babies.
Even now, as I write these words, I find myself contemplating the magnitude of what that means to me. The thought that I could have been approaching the final day of my earthly experience, completely unaware of what had been spiritually intended, is almost impossible to wrap my human mind around.
And yet, on October 14, I found myself standing among the magnificent golden aspens in the mountains of Flagstaff, feeling the crisp autumn breeze against my skin, the warmth of the afternoon sun upon my face, and the loving embrace of the man I get to share this beautiful life with.
I was overcome with such an extraordinary feeling of gratitude that I wanted to absorb every sensation, every sound, every little detail of that precious moment.
How incredibly grateful I am for the gift of another day on this beautiful Earth.
The Story I Haven’t Fully Shared
Some of you already know that on May 28 of this year, I experienced the devastating loss of my baby boy, Troy III, at 20 weeks of pregnancy. I’ve shared parts of that experience publicly, including the profound spiritual revelations that followed, but there is another beautiful piece of this story that I haven’t yet spoken about.
Following my loss, I came to understand that there was another little soul connected to my pregnancy, a baby girl whom I lovingly call Lily.
Lily
Throughout my pregnancy, only one baby had been visible on my ultrasounds, so I had no reason to believe I was carrying more than one child. However, after returning home from the hospital following the loss, I unexpectedly passed what appeared to be a yolk sac, something that left me with questions about what my body had experienced.
It wasn’t until the QHHT session where the soul of my son came through, followed by a conversation with a couple dear friends who are deeply intuitive, that I received a spiritual explanation that brought an entirely new dimension to my understanding of the pregnancy.
Through these experiences, I was told that I had originally been carrying two babies, and that my little girl had departed very early in the pregnancy, around six weeks, while my baby boy continued to grow within me. I had spent months grieving the loss of the little boy I had carried, loved, and dreamed of meeting, and suddenly I was contemplating the possibility that another beautiful little soul had been part of that journey all along.
It was incredibly tender coming to know Lily in this way, after the physical experience of pregnancy had already ended. I never had the opportunity to knowingly celebrate her presence while I was pregnant, to imagine her little face, or to dream about the life we might share. And yet, through the spiritual understanding I received, I began making space in my heart for her, too.
I began pondering how she was doing on a soul level, and why her soul had chosen to depart the earthly realm so early in her journey. These were questions I had found myself contemplating before, following two previous miscarriages, both around eight weeks into my pregnancies. At the time, I was absolutely devastated. I struggled to make sense of why these precious little lives had ended before they had truly begun, and in my grief, I found myself seeking spiritual guidance in hopes of finding some understanding and comfort.
It was during that time that I was introduced to a beautiful spiritual perspective that would profoundly transform the way I viewed pregnancy loss. I learned that souls do not always enter the earthly realm with the intention of experiencing an entire human lifetime. Sometimes, a soul may choose to experience physical existence for only a brief moment, and even the time spent within a mother’s womb can offer an extraordinary opportunity for learning, growth, and evolution.
From this perspective, the experience of being held within the womb, surrounded by the mother’s emotions, heartbeat, energy, and love, is itself a meaningful encounter with physical existence. Even a brief experience on Earth can hold tremendous significance for a soul’s evolutionary journey, regardless of how short that experience appears from our human perspective.
This understanding brought me an immense amount of peace during one of the most heartbreaking periods of my life. Rather than viewing my miscarriages through the lens of failure, or feeling that my body had somehow let me or my babies down, I began to see those pregnancies as sacred collaborations between souls. I came to appreciate the possibility that we had each entered into those experiences with something meaningful to give and receive, and that our time together, however brief, had served a purpose within the greater unfolding of our individual soul journeys.
And now, as I contemplated Lily’s journey, I found myself returning to that same beautiful understanding, wondering about the experiences her soul had come to have, the love we had exchanged, and the mysterious ways in which our souls continue to touch and transform one another.
The Soul Contract That Changed
One of the most extraordinary revelations from my QHHT experience was the understanding that my original soul contract had involved departing this physical existence on October 14, 2026, the very day my son was due to be born.
According to the message I received, my departure had been part of a much larger spiritual agreement, one that involved not only my own soul’s journey but also the lives of those I love.
What made this whole thing even more profound was learning about the role that Troy’s love and prayers had played in what I came to understand as a change in that agreement.
In the weeks leading up to our loss, Troy had been experiencing unsettling dreams in which he lost me. At the time, neither of us could have fully understood the significance those dreams would later hold within the spiritual story that emerged.
During my QHHT session, I received the message that subconsciously, Troy had been praying to God to keep me here, and that he simply wasn’t ready to experience life without me. The understanding conveyed was that his deep love for me, his prayers, and the beautiful power of divine intervention had altered what was originally intended.
My soul contract had been rewritten through the power of love.
Instead of the departure I was told had originally been planned for October, I experienced the devastating loss of my pregnancy in May, and my own life continued.
I want to acknowledge that this has profoundly shaped the way I understand my human experience journey, my relationship with God, and the mysteries surrounding our existence.
And oh, how humbling those mysteries are.
The more I contemplate the extraordinary intricacies of life, the more I recognize how little we truly understand about the nature of consciousness, the soul, divine timing, and the invisible connections that seem to weave through our human experiences.
I think about the countless circumstances that must align for any one of us to be here, the extraordinary complexity of our physical bodies, the seemingly miraculous nature of consciousness itself, and the love that binds us to one another in ways we cannot always explain.
There is so much I feel I have come to understand through my spiritual journey, and simultaneously, so much that remains an extraordinary mystery and rather than needing to have every question answered, I find myself increasingly comfortable standing in awe of it all.
A Beautiful Day Among the Golden Aspens
Knowing the significance October 14 held for us, Troy took the day off work so we could spend it together.
We decided to drive north to Flagstaff and spend the day at Snowbowl, surrounded by the magnificent beauty of the mountains during one of my favorite times of year.
The autumn colors were absolutely breathtaking. Towering aspens stretched toward the brilliant blue sky, their golden leaves shimmering in the sunlight, while the magnificent pine trees stood peacefully among them. The air was crisp and refreshing, and the ground was covered in a beautiful tapestry of fallen leaves that rustled beneath our feet as we wandered through the forest.
We rode the chairlift and admired the incredible mountain scenery, taking in the contrast of golden treetops, evergreen forests, and the distant mountaintops dusted with snow.
There is something so incredibly grounding about being immersed in nature, away from the noise and distractions of everyday life, where you can simply surrender to the beauty of the present moment.
As we walked through the forest, I found myself noticing everything with a heightened sense of appreciation. I loved the way the sunlight filtered through the trees, illuminating the golden leaves as though they were glowing from within. I loved the cool mountain air filling my lungs and the gentle breeze moving through my hair. I loved the sound of our footsteps against the forest floor and the peaceful stillness that seemed to surround us.
But more than anything, I loved being there with Troy.
I loved soaking up this beautiful day together.
I kept looking at him and thinking about how extraordinary it is that we get to share this life together, that after everything we have experienced, we were standing there beneath those beautiful trees, creating another memory, loving one another, and enjoying the simple pleasure of being alive.
And I found myself wondering how often we overlook these seemingly ordinary experiences, forgetting that they are the very moments that make being human such an incredible gift.
A Little Piece of Love Left in the Mountains
Before our trip, I wanted to paint a little rock with the names of both of our babies, Lily and Troy. I decorated it with bright colors and a little golden sun, wanting to create something beautiful that we could leave behind in their honor.
As we wandered through the forest, surrounded by those magnificent aspens, I found a special place where I wanted the rock to rest.
I gently leaned it against the base of an aspen tree, nestled among the fallen leaves, where the sunlight could dance through the branches above it.
I thought about how much love can be contained within something so small and simple. To anyone passing by, it would be a colorful little rock with two names painted on it, but to me, it represented two precious souls, the dreams I once carried, and a love that continues to live within my heart.
I loved the thought of their names resting together in the mountains, surrounded by the beauty of nature and the changing seasons. It felt like a beautiful way to honor them through the love that surrounded us that day. And as I stood there, I felt an overwhelming appreciation for the opportunity to be present for that moment. To honor my babies, to love their father, and to experience another beautiful day on this magnificent planet.
When Grief and Gratitude Coexist
One of the most profound things I have come to understand through this experience is that grief and gratitude are not mutually exclusive.
For a long time, we are conditioned to think of emotions as though they exist in opposition to one another, as though feeling happiness somehow diminishes our sadness, or experiencing gratitude means we have moved beyond our grief.
But I am discovering just how beautifully complex the human heart truly is.
I think this is one of the most extraordinary aspects of our humanity: our capacity to hold such seemingly contradictory emotions within the same heart. We can experience devastating heartbreak and still find ourselves moved to tears by the beauty of a sunset. We can carry profound longing for someone we love while feeling immense joy in the embrace of someone standing right beside us.
We can have our hearts broken wide open by life and discover that, somehow, they have also expanded in their capacity to love.
And isn’t that such a remarkable part of being human?
I often reflect on the idea that we come into this physical experience to feel, to explore, to learn, and to experience the extraordinary spectrum of emotions available to us. There is such tremendous depth to this human journey, and the more I allow myself to fully experience it, the more I appreciate the sacredness of being here.
I don’t want to spend my life waiting for everything to make sense before I allow myself to enjoy it. I want to embrace the mystery while continuing to participate wholeheartedly in the beauty unfolding before me.
Falling in Love With Life All Over Again
As our beautiful day in the mountains came to an end, I found myself reflecting on just how profoundly my relationship with life has changed.
There was a time when October 14 represented a future I was eagerly anticipating, a day when I imagined finally holding my baby boy in my arms and beginning an entirely new chapter of motherhood. Following our loss and the spiritual revelations that came afterward, that same date took on an entirely different significance, inviting me to contemplate the fragility of my own existence and the extraordinary mysteries surrounding it.
And yet, when October 14 finally arrived, rather than being consumed by everything that had happened or everything I had come to understand, I found myself completely immersed in the beauty of the life unfolding before me.
I was alive to experience another autumn, to feel the cool mountain breeze against my skin, to laugh with Troy, to hold his hand, and to create another precious memory together. I was alive to honor my babies in a way that felt deeply meaningful to me, surrounded by the magnificent beauty of nature and the comforting presence of someone I love beyond words.
And somewhere in the midst of it all, I found myself falling in love with life all over again.
I’ve been reflecting on how often we spend our days anticipating the next big milestone, believing that happiness is waiting for us somewhere in the future, when so much of what makes life extraordinary is already available to us in the simplest moments.
The morning sunlight streaming through a window, the sound of someone we love laughing, the feeling of fresh air against our skin, the changing colors of the seasons, or the quiet comfort of simply sitting beside someone who makes us feel at home.
These moments are not insignificant details scattered between the important events of our lives. They are our lives.
And the more I contemplate the impermanence of this physical experience, the more I recognize just how precious these seemingly ordinary moments truly are.
None of us knows how many more sunrises we will witness, how many more autumns we will experience, or how many more opportunities we will have to embrace the people we love. And rather than allowing that awareness to fill me with fear, I find that it inspires me to participate in life more fully.
I want to express my love freely, laugh wholeheartedly, embrace the people I cherish, and continue discovering all the beautiful ways this human experience invites us to grow, evolve, and expand. I want to be present for my life rather than spend it waiting for circumstances to be different before allowing myself to enjoy it.
And above all, I am learning that even when life unfolds in ways we could never have anticipated, our capacity to love, to experience joy, and to find meaning in the present moment remains one of our greatest gifts.
To my sweet babies, Lily and Troy, thank you for the love you awakened within me. Although our time together in this physical world was far shorter than I ever imagined, the love I carry for you continues to shape the way I experience this beautiful life.
And to my amazing, beautiful partner Troy, thank you for walking beside me through the unimaginable, for the laughter we continue to share, and for reminding me through your love that there is still so much beauty waiting to be experienced.
Most of all, I find myself looking toward God with a heart overflowing with gratitude. For the love that surrounds me, for the mysteries I am still learning to embrace, and for the extraordinary opportunity to continue experiencing this magnificent human journey.
Thank you for another day.
